I guess it was time for a day like today

I woke up this morning with the intent to change my set before I went into work. Everything started out fine and for me, one of the most satisfying experiences is removing the old set from whatever fatty part of the body I decided to stick it to. Inserting the new set is always a little anxiety producing because I never know how bad it will sting. Thankfully today the insertion wasn't bad at all, very little pain, if any! Unfortunately for me I ripped it out accidentally about 5 minutes later and ended up being late for work. Frustrating, but not the most difficult thing that's happened today. Spencer and I went to a dog park after I finished eating out with a few great friends. Spencer and I had never been to this park before and the excursion was unplanned. I had concluded that meant grassy area where I could spread a blanket and take it easy and cuddle with my baby. But, I had just eaten dinner and thought I would be fine to press on with our spontaneous adventure. We walked for several minutes and eventually I realized how unprepared I was. I hadn't turned down my basal insulin about 2 hours before (like I normally do before any time of prolonged activity) and decided to end my walk early. My husband continued on to meet up with some friends. I started back alone assuming I would make it to the car without any problems but got about 1/4 of a mile away from the parking lot and had to stop. I didn't feel hypoglycemic, but my gut told me I needed to take a minute. I checked my glucose, did the math, and realized I had dropped about 100 glucose points in about 20 minutes--I was crashing fast. I ate some fast acting glucose tabs and sat. There wasn't anything else I could do in that moment. I've had experiences like this before but for some reason tonight I was more emotional about it. I watched as people and their pets moved past me with energy and smiles on their faces and I couldn't help but be jealous at their ability to move without thinking of the consequences. I felt sorry for myself and extremely isolated from the active world. I want so badly to be part of that world again and I try, but my diabetes quickly reminds me that it will never be as easy as it once was. I can do it of course, with thought, advanced planning and preparation, my glucose monitor, and glucose tabs on hand. I know there are others who have hidden health problems, but I couldn't help but dwell on how annoying and inconvenient my situation is. My logical mind is telling me right now to be thankful I wasn't born in the early 1900's when diabetics were prescribed starvation and ended up withering away. But my emotional heart misses my life before I was diagnosed. I know this is just a moment and the feelings won't last. But I need to honor all emotional parts of my type 1 experience; every humorous, ironic, grateful, frustrating, and sad moment. This blog is my space to do it.